“I must have fucked my ex-wife last night because it looks like hell has frozen over,” was the first thing former-F1 driver Jos Verstappen told the press as he arrived at the snow-covered Circuit de Barcelona Catalunya to observe his son on the third day of winter testing.
The paddock staple and father of Red Bull driver Max Verstappen was also heard further elaborating on the unusual weather during the lunch break. “It’s colder than eskimo pussy out there,” Jos informed one caterer, unprompted.
As the younger Verstappen stayed in the garage most of the day examining data from the car, Jos was seen talking to Pirelli representatives, making sure the 2018 tires were up to the task at hand. “Are those rubbers are gonna work in this weather? I don’t want my son sliding around that track like a greased gimp at roller rink.”
With his mind eased after speaking with Pirelli officials, Jos was finally able to have some fun with the bizarre weather, where he joined the Red Bull pit crew in snowman building contest. He was disqualified, however, after using two lumps of coal and his only carrot to give the snowman a penis and testicles instead of a face.
After an uneventful and unproductive day, the frustrated older Verstappen loudly announced that he’d be headed back to the hotel for “hot cocoa and handies.”
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